You know who’s been resonating with me a lot recently? Bo Burnham. I was pulled into ‘Inside’ when it was released, instantly connecting with it. The pandemic really did a number on the ol’ noggin, and besides, I’ve always struggled with anxiety/bouts of depression. I remember being incredibly inspired by the music and the feelings this man was experiencing. I could tell he was trying his hardest to portray his life with this awesome piece of visual and musical brilliance.
That album was the first of his works that I sought out to listen to outside of watching his specials. And just to date me a bit, I remember back in the day when he was super popular with the kids I went to school with. So, I was elated when ‘Inside: The Outtakes’ came out recently! It’s filled with such gripping work that I was doubly impressed that those were the songs he left on the cutting room floor.
Sometimes I think about that time in all of our lives, wondering if we had any idea that things would change as much as they have. Goodness knows I’ve changed! I’m not the same human I was before, that is for certain. I went through an extremely traumatic event in April of 2020. It was one of those moments where you know that life will be forever changed, because there’s no returning to how things were before. And then grief set in after the shock wore off. Having to rebuild after having your foundation demolished, theoretically speaking, is a weight that’s taken years to heal. I don’t believe there’ll ever be a time when I won’t be healing from the events of that day.
The isolation is what affected me more than anything else. My partner at the time and I lived together in an apartment, which was nice, but we were on complete opposite schedules. He worked at night and I worked during the day and into the evening. So, most weeknights I had to myself. No pets, no guests, nothin’. Just me and my streaming services! I did spend a lot of time with my Dad at that time, which helped, but, you know- When you’re dealing with grief, it’s extremely difficult to work through it, even if you’re enduring it with other people.
I definitely took my ass to see a psychologist and she helped provide me with some key insights and tools on how to begin to move forward. Those were imperative to my survival. And she was able to help me enough that I don’t need to see her anymore. Sure, things are lookin’ a lil’ rough but I’ve always been a relatively optimistic person, I just find life to be a bit easier that way. I thank goodness for my laid back disposition everyday!
But it’s taken me a long time to arrive at this point in my life, and I’m thankful for every second I draw breath. I’ve already had the worst thing imaginable happen to me, so I know whatever I have coming for me I’ll be able to face it. Since I made it through the day my Mom died, I can make it through anything. And it’s not the events of that day that make me stronger, it’s her love for me. I feel it, even now! She’s smiling for me wherever she is right now because I’m finally following my dream.
Anyway, I know she would have loved Bo Burnham, and it makes me sad that we can’t listen to his fantastic music together. Though, my adorable as heck nephew really knows what’s up and he grooves to ‘Inside’ on the reg. It’s actually quite hilarious the way this year and a half year old toddler dances to the existential jams of Bo Burnham. He’ll grow up to be completely balanced, don’t worry about him! 😜
(All of this was written while listening to ‘Bezos III’ by Bo Burnham on repeat)